This is my journey to travel.

So, I realized today (well, it really hit me today) that I haven’t bought scrubs since 2009. My scrub bottoms are starting to get a little thread bare in the crotch and that’s not really what the bosses like to see…or maybe they do, I dunno. Anyway, point is, I probably need to start looking into buying new ones or I could patch the ones I have now which would be thrifty of me. I just really don’t want to go through the process of trying on clothes right now. It’s been a long time hatred of mine.I despise trying on clothes b/c stupid brands size things differently and it build false hope that you’re not actually as big as you’ve been feeling.

That said, I looked in the mirror this morning with my bra and underroos on and was like “who the hell is this fat-ass in my mirror?!” Don’t get me wrong, I’ve always known I was big, but this big is ridiculous and just plain laziness. The fact that I’m 5’5″ and am weighing in at approx. 265 is just not acceptable–I don’t care what the hubby says about “You’re beautiful just the way you are”. Talk like that is why at 15 I thought it was perfectly normal and healthy to eat 3 eggs with chili and cheese on top of them for breakfast.

But how does one eat healthy when they are flat broke? I know I’m not the only one who has noticed how expensive fresh produce is nowadays. I love my fruit and veggies but I can’t afford their price-tag. When did apricots become over $4/lb? Ridiculous! I did buy some baby carrots, cauliflower, and celery today though. Little B (my daughter) and I will eat those in no time. I’m fortunate that my kid prefers health food to junk. Don’t get me wrong, she loves her Chef Boyardee but she loves vegetables too. (How many other 3 year olds do you know who love asparagus and beets?)  I like Chef’s $.98/can price tag. So, she eats that for lunch. She’s not overweight so I must be doing something right in her nutrition so far.

We don’t eat a lot of red meat anymore. It’s mainly poultry now. Mainly b/c we can get a pound of ground turkey for $1.50 but also b/c it’s better for us than beef or chuck. We’ve cut out white bread and are now on 100% whole wheat (I still can’t stand it, but I’m learning to deal) as well as using 100% whole wheat tortillas(eww God give me strength!) rather than white flour tortillas. We tried whole wheat pasta but we all agreed that we can’t do that. We’ll just limit our pasta intake b/c whole wheat pasta is just something I refuse to do again! BLECH!

With my about to stop working and going back to school, I just don’t see how eating fresh (even completely in season) produce daily is feasible. Is canned produce really that bad for you? What’s the harm in buying the no salt added cans of green beans, peas, corn, etc? Maybe if hamburger’s were $4.99 and salad was $.99 people would be healthier. I love salad…just can’t afford it.

So, I’ll figure out a way to shed these lbs. without going bankrupt in the process…wish me luck!!


{July 27, 2012}   Things to do before 30…ha!

I turned 29 towards the end of April and since then I’ve thought on and off about the things I told myself I would do before turing the big 3-0. There are some things I’ve done, although the outcome was far from what I had expected at the time, but, for the most part, I’ve not done much.

Here’s the list.

Graduate college…not done.

Get married…done…twice

Move to Texas and live on a spacious, secluded ranch….done (and moved back home.)

Stop smoking…done…well, sort of.

Own my own home….not done

Obtain or be working on my Ph.D in Psychology…not done…will never do…too many skeletons there

Be out of debt…not even close

Have a child…done

Get down to 125 lbs.—hahahaha Yeah, not even remotely close, even with a fun house mirror

Donate to a charity….Do this regularly

Travel overseas-not done

Have at least $10,000 in savings-don’t even have a savings account

So, yeah, I’ve not done much. That’s ok though. I just have to work on a new list to obtain before 40. Now, that I’ve goofed off through much of my 20s, I can make more realistic goals for the future.

I am, for the most part, happy with my life. Sure, I’d love to have more $$. We all would. I do have a roof over my head, even though it’s a rented roof. I have food in my cabinets. I have clothes on my back. My car is currently running well. My husband and child seem to be happy and content with me. I’m going back to school next month. I have a job that is fulfilling and rewarding. My family is trucking along just fine. I do have loads to be thankful for even though I’m not where I thought I would be.

So, I’m not the thin, Texas ranch owning, debt free, well traveled therapist I thought I would be 11 years ago. Who cares? I am ME. I have made mistakes, learned from them, and lived to tell about them. I call that a success.

To all the mothers out there who I’ve judged for not being able to handle their kids, I’M SORRY!!! I used to criticize (in my mind, of course.) mothers who would say “I just can’t handle these kids!” and things of the like. I would think that if you can’t handle a child then why have them and why continue to have children. After all, my sister had 3 kids and I handle them quite well, if I do say so myself. We are buddies. If I can handle someone else’s kids surely I could handle my own. “What’s so hard about handling a 3 year old?”, I thought. After all you pop in a movie, throw some toys, crayons and coloring books on the floor, and let them have at it while you do your thing, right?

WRONG! There is so much more to it. Apparently, kids that don’t belong to you will always listen better than those that do. My daughter is 3 1/2 and it’s like I’m invisible to her. I can tell her to stop doing something and it falls on deaf ears. My sister can tell her and she hops to attention.

Everyday that I’m home, it seems as though my daughter and I have it out. It’s a struggle to get her to pick up her toys, to not strow things all over the house, and to pick up her little games she gets out. Oh, and forget this whole “Get one thing out at a time. When you’re done with this game or this thing, put it back up before getting out something else”. That just doesn’t work on my kid! She has inherited my family’s stubbornness which is passed down from my daddy’s father’s side. She will stand firm on her own no matter the consequence. Later on, as an adult, that will be a shining quality depending on how she uses it, but now, as a 3 year old, it’s just defiance to the 10th power!

She does get disciplined, mind you. We’ve run the gammut from telling her “No” and explaining why she should or shouldn’t do somethin, having time-out, taking away toys (including but not limited to, stuffed animals, dress up clothes, things on her walls, her TV cartoons), spanking, and her “square”. Of all these punishments, her square worked the best. Her square is just that-a taped off square in the middle of her floor just big enough for her to stand in. She must stand there, hands down, and stare at a small square on her wall which is also marked with blue tape, for an allotted time. The time varies depending on the severity of the offense, though it’s rare that she has to stand there for longer than 10 minutes. One time though, my husband got busy doing something else and forgot that he had put her in said square until he walked past her bedroom several several minutes later! She isn’t allowed to talk, play, or get out of the square except for going to the restroom. Trust me, it’s not as bad as it sounds. It is basically just another form of time out and standing in the corner except instead of a corner, it’s the middle of the room. The square worked for about 6 months and now is losing it’s effectiveness.

So now, I’m trying to figure out something new that will work for her. Wish me luck! Until next time…B

{July 23, 2012}   Hello world!

Well, I suppose I should really start out with a simple “hello all”, so Hello All who happen upon my little page. I know my writing  isn’t all that good but at least I can spell most words correctly which places me above 75% of the dimwits who have blogs nowadays and I will improve as time goes on.

I start this blog not quite knowing what, if anything inparticular, my expectations are for this blog aside from the normal ramblings of day to day life. There are so many things I’m sure I will write about during the course of this blog such as my adventures in “mommyhood”, being a newlywed, my job as a CNA and the things I see/have learned during this job, going back to college after being gone for so long, the struggles of a single income family and how we make due, dead-beat parents, and maybe some politics and/or religion.

As most bloggers, I do hope people like what I have to say and will keep reading as time goes on. If opinions differ, and you want to comment to explain why, please do so in a respectable manner. I cannot stand bashing. I am always open to new opinions and insite. This is my little theraputic haven even if no one ever reads this other than myself. It will be my own little outlet from all the bs that I, and everyone else, has to encounter on a regular basis.

Well, I suppose that is all for right now. I will write back as often as I need to vent or need to relax. Take care…until we meet again, B


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